He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
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The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
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Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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