The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
