Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
