What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
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Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
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And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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