im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
