If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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