you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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