never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
