On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize