i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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