currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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