someone owes me an orgasm
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
