Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
