peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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