Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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