i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Barsexuality is the new black.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
