so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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