as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
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you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
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I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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