Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
where are you?
Hypothermia
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
