i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My life is pants optional.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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