I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
