I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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