he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
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Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
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You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.