i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
were you high?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD