I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.