My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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