He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
