Your face is a jimmy john
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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