It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
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what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
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So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
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