I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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