I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
