the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
