u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
