i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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