i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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