I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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