I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
