Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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