I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
