Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
