Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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