Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
