Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
