i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
