If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
not ubering you a puppy
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
