your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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