what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I can't turn off my feet"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
