I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
