so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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