Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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