im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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