He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
