I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
