i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
