White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
