Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
It's just like the Real World with babies
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
