Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i think im in europe. pls send help
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
