In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i barfeds in our rink
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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