how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
