Betty ford says i'm here all night
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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