So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
