I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
