Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
