Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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