Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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