remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
