so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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