i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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